Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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