Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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