my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
