Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
