Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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