Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
