So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
