Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
