the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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