he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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