I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
