Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
