Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize