I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
