So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
it's like iHOP with fire
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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