I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
