Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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