He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
