my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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