Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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