I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Randomize
