i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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