I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
