I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
