i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
