Having a random hookup so left but love u
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
