A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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