According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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