So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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