When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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