If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize