Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
