Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
