I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
