Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
