Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
