i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Walk of Shame today included voting.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
