Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
