Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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