No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
The air taste purple.
Randomize
