Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
