Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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