u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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