I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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