I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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