apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
