she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Just pee around me
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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