but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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