I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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