I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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