I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize