We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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