Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
