I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
