Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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