8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
