You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
