Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
