Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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