how can u be prego again
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
