I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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