So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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