Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize