The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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