You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
