My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
