The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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