Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
