I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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