i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
